I Miss You Everyday ~

Never judge someone without knowing the whole story.

You may think you understand, but you don't...

It has been rough without Brutus.  I live.  I do what needs to be done.

I don't spend my waking hours crying.  I laugh, I joke and I am happy with life,

but a part of me is missing and always will be.  My Brutus took my heart.

Life goes on.  We keep moving.  We even left Florida to get away from the pain

 of having lost Brutus and Shadow.  Distance does not change anything.  

The heart wants what the heart wants.  It's just  not always possible

 to have it.  I love our Sniff Sniff, but my Brutus left his paw prints 

in my heart and I really miss him and I want him back.

Though I can't see you.  I hear you in my heart.

And if you've never felt your soul being torn apart,

you've never loved anyone with all your heart...

~Nadiya~

8 Months For Brutus ~ 4 Months For Shadow ~ Almost 4 For Sniffer ~

If I could plant a flower for every time I miss you, 

I could walk through my garden forever...

It's just a "normal" "regular" day.  For me it's 8 months since my Brutus died.  Four

 months since Little Shadow died and in 2 days it will be 4 months since we have had Sniffer.  

What can I say?  Sadness is part of what I go through often, then we see Sniffer and wonder.

Arvid and I looked at Sniff sound asleep on the bed right now and the exact same thought 

went through our minds.  Though voiced so many times, hearing Arvid say it again just 

made me cry. He said, "do you think Brutus came back to us in the form of Sniffer?"

I believe he has.  I believe part of Brutus is in Sniffer.  A big part.  Whenever I am sad
Sniff comes running to me and cries.  Last night on the bed as I sat thinking of Brutus, and
Shadow I was sad, so very sad.  Seeing Sniff come running to me and curling up to me
was enough to calm me.  I never want Sniff to see me sad.  He knows and it affects
his moods as well.  For the last 2 days Sniff Sniff has been quiet and withdrawn.
 Could it be he knows how I feel?  I think so, and I don't want him to.

I am strong, but sometimes even the strongest of persons have weak moments.  Brutus is
my weakness and until that day, I guess i will be missing him forever.  My little Shadow never
had a chance to grow up; for that I am angry and sometimes I feel like hitting someone.

 Someone I trusted and called my friend.  Not only did I lose Shadow in this tragedy, but I
 think I also lost a very good friend.  Maybe one day when I am less angry...who knows.

Hope you all have a good day-week ahead.  Remember never judge a person unless
 you have walked in their shoes.  Things are not always what the seem.

Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water
 is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming.  All we can do is learn to swim..

~Nadiya~

Chicago Life...

Either you love Chicago or you are wrong.
Let me tell your something. I'm from Chicago. I don't break...

From our apartment you can see quite a lot of whats going on in the city.  Yesterday evening

 as we sat in the living room, we saw the large screen TV that was broadcasting the Copa

 America game between Chile and Columbia.  Was as if we had front row seats.

One thing about the city.  There is ALWAYS traffic.  Not having a car is in a way 

a blessing.  Bot Arvid and I enjoy looking and seeing everything that goes on, if we 

can't see too well Arvid pulls out his binoculars.  We do have a good time.

It's been 2 days now since Sniff Sniff decided to sit next to Arvid.  Since Brutus died,

Arvid was missing his boysie close to him when he watches TV.  Sniff now does it, for us

 it was a big moment.  I watched them and I smiled and at the same time I felt heartbroken 

because that was Brutus' spot.  Just his.  Yesterday was a rough day for me without 

knowing why I just missed my Brutus so very much.  I also thought of Shadow, 

Liliana and i was mad and angry all over again.  It was a rough day.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss my Brutus.  He took my heart.

I think of little Shadow and my heart breaks.  He never had a chance.

The other day we went to feed the ducks and at the same time we had a nice walk along

 the lake and park.  The city is unbelievable.  Every turn you make yo see boat, you hear 

music, you see greenery and flowers in bloom all around you.  We just love it.

In Florida we never really watched the weather channel much.  You knew it was going

 to be hot. Here in Chicago you never know what the weather will be so we always plan 

our day after we check the weather.  Last night during the game between Columbia and Chile,

 it started to thunder and with lots of lightning.  The game was stopped for a while.

To all a very good day.  Something I remind myself of all the time;
you can't start the next chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

After a few hours of lightning last night, the game was resumed.
This morning the city is blanketed in fog.  From where I sit you see just white.

Life is like a camera.  Focus on what's important, capture the good times, 
develop from the negatives, and if things don't work out, take another shot...

~Nadiya~