Nov 30, 2015

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts...

Every morning starts a new page in your story.
Make it a great one today...


Nov 29, 2015

Happy Sunday..

Keep your eyes open and your feet moving forward.
You'll find what you need.  I just hope so...

There is laughter and joy everywhere you turn.  That's how it should be after all.  Christmas
 is in the air and everyone is bursting with excitement.  The streets are all decorated 
and every station plays Christmas songs.  Yes this has always been my favorite
 time of the year.  This year it is not so happy.  Our Brutus is not here.

Staying busy doing as many things as we can.  Getting out a little all the time.
Right now I am not interested in doing much, but I do.  Arvid is also as usual busy.  
Shadow is a handful so we are busy playing with him and making sure he is well.

It is or used to be my favorite time of the year.  This year it will be a little less cheerful,
but no matter what life continues and I see the laughter and smiles everywhere around us.
  It reminds us that life goes on and there is always something to be grateful for.

To all a good Sunday.  
We keep our routines and we move forward all the time.

It doesn't matter how slow you go as long as you don't stop...


Nov 27, 2015

Difficult Day...

Take me to the time when things were fine.  It's all broken now...

What a quiet day it was yesterday. Usually Thanksgiving Day is quiet, but somehow it 
felt even more so.  We were missing an important part of our lives.  The day was 
pretty windy.  At times it felt like a little tropical storm coming our way, 
but it was just some bad weather coming from up North. 
 Even so we still had warm temperatures.  

Neither Arvid nor I are that fond of turkey so for our lunch we had chicken.
  Always a winner with me.  We had none of the traditional Thanksgiving sides nor 
none of the of the famously delicious pumpkin pie.  Truth is neither of us tasted
 much of what we ate.  Our hearts was and is just sad right now.

Arvid watched some soccer games. Shadow came and sat with him and even fell 
asleep. Just the way Brutus used to do.  As Arvid was watching Shadow play,
 he said to me, "Brutus should be playing here."  Yes!   Shadow is a good
 kitty. We enjoy watching him play and he keeps us entertained. 
 But he's not Brutus. He can't take away this sadness I have, 
we have in us, but he can make us laugh at times.

When we picked up Brutus' ashes on Wednesday, a traumatic time for us, the doctors
 told us that they think Brutus was sicker than we knew.  That they found a tumor 
in his chest.  They tried to tell us that Brutus was not going to live long 
one way or the other.  This does not bring me any closure.  All 
I know is that he's dead and I will never see nor hold him again.  

Maybe one day I will understand better, but not today.  Today all I feel is an emptiness 
and a sadness that knows no limits.  As I told Arvid I am stuck.  I can't move on 
right now.  Brutus stole my heart and I don't think it will ever be the same 
again.  But everyday as you know is a new day to heal.
 To laugh to enjoy all that life has to offer.

Yes, life is always worth living. Life is as you know for the living.  Arvid and 
I went for a little outing to the beach.  Together Arvid and I will be strong. 
 Will take me longer for sure, but I am working on it.  Shadow deserves
 his mama to be happy for him. Time is on our side I guess.

Good morning everyone.  It's Black Friday after all.  Maybe Arvid and I should take
 a trip somewhere and see what good deals we can find.  Don't need anything, but why not?

Black Friday combines every great American pastime into one: camping,
 shopping, standing in line, rioting, and fist fighting.  Don't you think
 it's ironic that Americans spend the most money on new things
 the day after they say they are grateful for what they have?....


Nov 26, 2015

Thanksgiving 2015..

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice...
Thanksgiving is the holiday of peace, the celebration of work and the simple life... a true 
folk-festival that speaks the poetry of the turn of the seasons, the beauty 
of seedtime and harvest, the ripe product of the year - and the deep,
 deep connection of all these things with God..

This Thanksgiving is a little difficult for us right now.  Our Brutus is not here. 
 It's the first of many holidays we will not have him with us and for that I am heart broken. 
 On the other hand I am always the first to tell you that there is always something
 to be grateful for.  Always, and I am grateful also for so many things.

Though my heart is aching for Brutus, I have Arvid who is always there to hold me.
Together we find comfort in each other and together we share a life that I am happy 
with and grateful for.  I have a wonderful family my own and Arvid's.

We have Shadow who despite our sadness makes us laugh with all his funny baby kitty stuff. 
 He is a new life and needs love and nurturing.  That we can and we do do.

As someone said, "as we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest
 appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them"  Happy Thanksgiving to all. 
 Be safe, enjoy and yes put on those few extra pounds...

Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected
 from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as 
from the lips, and shows itself in deeds...


Nov 25, 2015

Wednesday... November 25th

The secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life,
 and making the most of everyday...(easier said than done sometimes)

November has not been the smoothest month for us and for so many others, but as they say 
everyday that you are above ground is a good day.  The sun is shining, we are healthy
 and that compared to what many others have is definitely a good day.  

Good morning everyone.  Already halfway through the week.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day
 here in the United States.  It's a day where all families get together and enjoy quality time
 and yes football.  Lots of good snacks.  Already my nieces and one of my nephews 
from college have found their way back home to their mom and dad.

  Right now they are being pampered and cared for just like when they lived at home. 
 They could not be happier neither could their parents.  Beautiful time of the  year.

Our day is going to be a little busy.  Happy for that because it keeps the not so 
happy thoughts, and memories at bay even for a short period.

Can't complain. Yesterday was a very traumatic and emotional day for me. Not
only was I witnessing the pain of our family being torn apart by tragedy, but I was also
experiencing flashbacks and yes agony over a tragedy that I also experienced years
 ago and also the pain of Brutus dying. I witnessed the cremation process. 

 Hit me like a ton of rocks because when Paul Riley was cremated I realized I had not 
put in in coffin any of his favorite items.  Neither did we do this for Brutus. 
 Tore me apart because I saw that my uncle and cousins had put in my aunts coffin some 
of her favorite items.  This has me feeling like I failed the ones I loved so very much.

Another memory I will have to live with.  Arvid and Shadow are here.  Could not have 
had a better person in my life than Arvid.  He is everything I could have asked for in
 the man I will share the rest of my life with.  I know with him everything will be 
all right.  Shadow is a handful, and keeps us busy.  He's already daddy's boy.

To all a very happy day.  May there always be laughter and joy in your 
lives, and may you always live in interesting times.

Everyday is a new beginning.  Stay away from what might 
have been and look what can be...


Nov 23, 2015

Monday ...November 23rd

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once...

And so begins another week.  Nothing stops for anyone and if you don't keep moving you 
are bound to get run over.  Hello everyone.  It is Monday morning.  Over the weekend
 my aunt died.  To say traumatized will be putting it mildly.  Devastating.

Every time someone dies it feels like part of my heart is being pulled out of my chest.
You see it brings back the agony I experienced losing my first husband.  It
crushes my heart because losing Brutus has left me devastated.

Another week begins.  I go to a funeral.  Families are torn apart and the suffering and 
pain is something they will carry in their hearts and lives forever.  I know time 
is the only one that will make things more bearable, but tell that to the one 
who is hurting and they will look at you and think you went crazy.  

  Everyone tells us that right now.  I don't want to hear it either.  I may know
 the facts, but my heart does not.  My heart only know what it feels right now and what 
it feels is a terrible sadness and an ache that just keeps burning and burning in me.

Good morning world.  May your week be a bright, happy and good one. Like I tell 
myself everyday, time stops for no one.  You either keep moving forward or stand still
 and get crushed.  I always move forward, just a lot slower right now.

Always remember that the future comes one day at a time...


Nov 22, 2015

About Life...

                          Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower...

...and remember everyone, life is simple, it's just not easy.  And she finally 
stopped playing their song, when she realized she was dancing alone. 
 Just those few words and it just about sums up life.

Never forget to live the moment.  Never forget to appreciate the moment, 
and most of all never forget to be grateful for it all.  For life is definitely not perfect,
but as you know it's the only one you will have so why not make it ridiculously amazing.

Like all of you, I have many ups and downs in life.  Many a days I would rather change
if I could, but at the end of the day I am always reminded of the goodness surrounding
 me and once again I see how fortunate I am to have be able to live the live I live. 
 Honestly, kindly and filled with love and appreciation for all that is good.

Good morning everyone.  May your day be a beautiful one.  Here at home and
everywhere else life goes on.  Shadow is doing good, but I'm aching for
my Brutus all the time.  I hope one day it's less agonizing.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, 
but anyone can start today and make a new ending....


Nov 20, 2015

Friday November 19th..

Don't let it break you.
No matter how hard things get, life goes on...

Well the weekend is already here for many.  Time is flying by.  Next week is 
Thanksgiving and the very crazy Black Friday.  Nothing much planned for either of 
those days.  Neither Arvid nor I eat much turkey and neither of us is interested
 in fighting with a mob of people standing in lines from 2 am waiting for
 the stores to open to grab the great deals. 

 I'll tell you if you have the patience and the stamina to make these lines then you will 
definitely have some pretty awesome deals.  Don't need anything and I am definitely not
 in the mood for malling around.  Lately all I want to do is stay home.  Guess it
 would be good to get out a little.  Not for Black Friday but just
 get out of the house.  Change is OK sometimes.

Looking forward to tomorrow very much.  Today will be 20 days since I have been
 on a low iodine diet.  Not by choice, but for medical reasons.  In that diet no
 dairy is allowed.  Have been drinking my coffee black.  Yes many maybe 
most drink it that way, but I like mine with cream and sugar.  
That is what I am looking forward to the most tomorrow.

Shadow is already bossing us around.  He is a very good kitty and as everyone says,
it is not his fault Brutus died.  He only wants to be loved and he definitely gives
 it back.  I will love Shadow.  He's tiny but wants to jump everywhere.  It's 
not fair to Shadow that when I hold him I want it to be my Brutus.

To all a very  good day.  May this be the start of a great 
weekend and only good things to come.

I have learned that you can keep going, 
long after you think you can't...


Nov 19, 2015

One Day At A Time...Thursday November 19th

Sometime all you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess.  
Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best... 

November 19th. 14 days now since my Brutus is dead.  14 days since I last held him and
 saw him.  14 days now that my heart is broken and the tears have not stopped.  
14 days. Time is going by, but somehow I am stuck and unable to move on. 
 Forgetting is not an option, but I know I need to move on.

Everyone keeps asking are you doing better?  Answer is, "no I'm not doing better."
  One day I would like my answer to be, " yes I'm doing better."   

What bothers me most is that everyone assumes that because we have a new kitty cat ones
 affection suddenly changes.  No one talks about Brutus to me.  I know that it's a 
difficult subject, but know also that Brutus died.  This does not mean he 
ceased to exist.  He was and will forever be a part of our lives.

Arvid and I talk about him everyday. We see Shadow do something and we look at each
 over and we say, "just like how Brutus was or how Brutus did so and so."   It is 
comforting and it makes healing better.  Just the other day Arvid said to 
me, "when I was having lunch the other day I missed Brutus very much. 
 It was quiet.  I looked for him, but he was not there."

I look for him everyday. He's not there and no matter how much I cry, bargain, plead
 for him to come home it's not happening. Please don't be afraid to talk to me about my
 Brutus.  Yes it hurts, but it hurts more to have you pretend he never existed.

My heart is broken over a cat as many might say.  Many would call this very stupid. 
 Just think most of you have children.  For us Brutus was our baby. 
 My baby is now dead and I'm still mourning him.

Life goes on.  I wake up. I do what needs to be done. I take care of Shadow. I make lunch for us. 
I do all the things I did when Brutus was alive only exception now is that my heart is not 
in any of it.  One day I'm sure things will be better.  Arvid as always is good to me. 

 Now he is even more patient than ever.  When I cry he holds me forever and comforts me.
  I know he misses Brutus also, but he is handling it much better than I am.
He says that burying himself in work helps.  It's not helping me much.

Why does it have to hurt this much?  Why?  Why?

It's been so many years now that I went through the the same.  Also at that time I never 
thought I would smile again, but I did.  I have to remember that, and know that one
 day it will be better.  I did it before. I can do it again.  Cause everyone says I
 am a strong person.  Truth is I don't feel strong right now.  I feel tired. 
  I feel sad and I am missing my Brutus so very much.

Please don't think  that if you talk to me about my Brutus I will fall apart. I might cry. 
I will also enjoy talking about his specialness.  I will laugh and cry some more. 
 It's just part of the process to healing. The worst thing someone can do is
 to pretend that  that person or in this case Brutus never existed.

Good morning everyone.  Shadow has a cold and for now he is being fed with a syringe. 
 Arvid even gave him water last night with the syringe.  Something he was not too
 confident to do with Brutus.  He's proud of himself right now.  I have even 
spoon fed Shadow because he is all congested and cannot smell his food 
after 2 spoons of feeding he then goes and eats a little on his own.
  He's a good little boy and Brutus would be a proud big brother.

Hope you are all having a good day and that sadness is not part of it.
One day I know it will e better.  Shadow is proof that life goes on...

No matter what I do, where I look or where I am,
you are in my thoughts and in my heart,  Always.  Forever...


Nov 17, 2015

Why Children Need A Pet..

My goal in life as good of a person as my pet already thinks I am...

Animals are such wonderful creatures. For all of us who are lucky and fortunate to have
 a pet in our lives let us always remember to cherish and take great care of our little
 buddies. They bring us so much joy and all they ask in return is just love and 
affection. Just with that you will have a friend and companion for life. 
Here are some very powerful reasons why kids should have a pet.

To have a staring contest with.    To keep them from rolling off the couch.

              To use as couch pillows.   To make sure mom gets their good side even
 when sleeping.  To listen to them read a funny story.

To clean their face off so mom doesn't have to.  To have someone to yell at the
 neighbors cat with.  To use as a blanket when theirs is in the wash.

To use as a warm pillow.  To hold their blinky for them while they sleep.

Our pets bring out the softer side in us.  In our case Brutus has shown us how to 
be more patient, caring and that even though they cannot speak they sure can understand. 
 Their eyes speak volumes.  Remember everyone a house is not a home without a pet.

Until one has experienced the friendship, love and devotion of an animal one has 
not really lived a full and complete life. At least I think so.  From the time I was a 
little girl we always had a pet at home.  As I grew into my own I continued having pets.  
Today our life is so much better with Brutus in it.  I would never wish to live 
a life without our Brutus.  He makes everything so much fun.

More than a pet.  He was our baby and my heart is
missing this little kitty like crazy.  Brutus mama misses you all the time..

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue...
I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul...