May 25, 2011

Losing A Loved One...

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal...

Today I am very sad.  Someone we knew and liked very much has died. Too many emotions are going through my mind right now and I sure don't know how to exactly cope with it.

Losing someone dear to you is like nothing you can imagine.  Only the person who has actually lost a loved one can truly relate to this.  Many years ago I was in the same boat.  My first husband died in a motorcycle accident.  To say I was totally unprepared is stupid...who is ever prepared for this?  One minute he was leaving to go ride his motorcycle...hours after I was calling every hospital, highway patrol everything and everyone you can think of because you see he had not shown up at home as scheduled and not several hours after.

When the police officer knocked on my door I just knew...all I said was "he's dead isn't he" and the officer said "yes".  Needless to say my world as I knew it shattered to pieces.  Today I can imagine our friends wife's world also being shattered to pieces and nothing anyone can say or do will ever put it back together.

For me it was as if the world had ended.  I can only imagine what "Tammy" is going through right.  She's probably thinking this is just a joke...a bad one that is.  Then she is probably screaming at God asking him WHY???  How could you do this to us when there are so many others out there that are bad people that surely do not deserve to live...I know I did that...hundreds and hundreds of time.  No use.  The one you loved was still dead! 

I remember picking up the phone and calling everyone I knew and telling them.  You see I lived in California at the time and all of my family was elsewhere.  Like Tammy I spent that first night all by say you cry yourself to sleep is an understatement.  After a while there are no more tears and loneliness and grief become your partners for a very , very long time.

In the beginning there are people all around you offering words of sympathy, trying to help you out in any and everyway possible...each is doing their best to make you feel better, but all you feel is NOTHING!!   What others have to understand is that the person going through this grieving time has to do it their way...of course it helps to have support of friends and family.  Had it not been for my family I am not sure what would have become of me. 

This person that died was a good friend...good enough that I have dedicated my blog to them.  All I can say is that in a situation like this you have to take it one day at a time.  From this point on it is baby steps.  There will be days when it seems you are moving backwards rather than forwards.  Do not worry.  This happens, just don't sink into that depression that seems to want to swallow you up forever...fight it.  Easy to say.  Harder to do, but take it from me not impossible.  There will be good days again although right now you surely do not believe that.

When Paul died and I was told that one day things would get better I looked at that person and said NEVER!  It has taken me years and year to get to where I am right now.  Everyone is different.  For me it was my family that never let me give me at times you just want to say enough, roll up like a ball and just let things happen. 

Everyday is a new challenge.  Waking up was a challenge...just making it through the day was exhausting.  Tammy will need all the friends and family to give her support and keep her positive.  One of my favorite things anyone ever said to me was "time does not take away the pain but makes it more bearable"  Today I can say that time is a good healer.  You do not believe this right now because the grief is too new...but trust me time heals. 

Only The Best
A heart of gold stopped beating,
two shining eyes at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove,
He only takes the best.
God knows you had to leave us,
but you did not go alone,
for part of us went with you,
the day He took you home.
To some you are forgotten,
to others just part of the past,
but to us who loved and lost you,
the memory will always last.



as they die, the ones we love, we lose our witnesses, our watchers, those who know and understand the tiny little meaningless patterns, those words drawn in water with a stick. And there is nothing left but the endless flow...

until next time...