Aug 31, 2011

10 Signs Your Date Isn’t The One...

 Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude...

We all dream of meeting that person who would sweep us off our feet and transport us into this world of wonder and magic.  That person who we hope to one day be able to form a committed relationship with and to spend forever with.  Many have done so...take Arvid and I for instance.  Not to brag, but we have found in each other the perfect blend of personalities and traits that have make us soul mates until the end of least one can hope it is so.

What happens though when the guy or gal you’ve been seeing isn’t even close to being your soul mate.  Here are some signs to took out for.  If you see them all I can say is run the other way as fast as you can.

1. Your date is devoted to another.  For instance when your date on a regular basis, speaks more to his mother more than he does to you.  Some guys speak to their mothers on a daily basis and then end up comparing you to their mothers.  It can get to the point where he could not make decisions without his mama. BAD sign!  RUN!!

2. If your spending habits don’t match.  If she shops to make herself feel good, and he feels better when money is saved for the future, look out: irritation, frustration, and arguments can result.  In other words: get out now, while your credit-card balance is still manageable. Money issues are bad and tend to get worse if you don't get it under control.
3. Your politics are too different. Not an impossible thing to overcome, but sometimes it may be.  Just look at Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Different politics and they made it work for 25 years.  What's going on now is a whole different story.
4. Your sweetie just doesn’t get your jokes. Take it from me a good sense of humor and being able to share jokes together does add for a lasting and interesting relationship.

5. Your love interest isn’t ready.  That's the kind who always wants to do stuff with you, but whenever you ask for more and the closer you seem to be getting there is always a reason why now is not the right time...fear of commitment.  It seems that  the closer you get, the more he started to pull back. That's when you should realize that though you are  compatible in many ways, he was not emotionally ready for a relationship.

6. Your honey wants kids and you don’t (or vice versa). “Often, a person is so happy to find The One that he or she assumes love, marriage and having children go together, but for the other person, being a twosome and being in love is enough,” says Dr. Benasutti. “It’s a good idea to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your potential mate to understand his or her perspective.”

7. Your tastes are too different.  According to experts, the number-one reason for failed relationships is what's known as ‘refinement incompatibility, basically is that each person in the relationship wants something that is totally opposite of the other.  Some of us are content to go camping, while others can’t survive outside a Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Some things are negotiable, but refinement incompatibility is not one of them, no matter how magnetically attracted you are to each other.

8. Your lifestyles clash. If you’re a corporate executive pulling in six figures a year, you’ve probably figured out by now whether you can tolerate a guy or gal who earns an order of magnitude less in terms of salary. No harm, no foul: ending things now is better than leading someone along (or unexpectedly sticking your date with the tab at that expensive restaurant).

9. Your first connection fizzles. “When we first met, the chemistry wasn’t there,” says Lauren from New York, speaking of a relationship she had high hopes for... at first. “Sometimes that attraction develops as you get to know a person and sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s very different from instantly having that sizzle of chemistry when your date glances at you for the very first time.”

10. Your relationship has you on edge. I believe that The One strengthens you, lifts you up and does not produce anxiety,  when something isn’t right, your intuition keeps trying to let you know by putting nagging doubts in your mind as well as continual anxiety. This is a gut thing, and your gut is rarely wrong.

Follow your gut instincts.  Most times it does not lead you wrong, but also just keep in mind that in order to have that "perfect" relationship it is a matter of both parties being able to compromise and to meet in the middle.  As I have said before relationships require lots of work and if you don't think you are up to putting in the time then my advise to you is to just don't commit yourself to anyone...

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you..

until next time...