Aug 1, 2011

Is He Husband Material?....

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to....

Every so often you come across either a friend, family member, stranger or even oneself distraught over their personal life.  This time it was a friend and he was telling me about how his wife was acting and treating him strange lately.  The two had begun the process of getting divorced when she suddenly had a change in attitude and promised she would change. Sadly, that promise lasted only a couple of weeks.

It so happens I was also reading an article about the same topic and it struck me as too much of a coincidence so here it is....if you relate to this maybe you can find some consolation that you are not the only one and that many are going through similar rough times.  Not helpful, but a fact of life.

According to the article, for those who are single and are looking to find that someone special here is what you should be looking for.  What makes a man husband material are emotional characteristics, including stability, reliability, and honesty. These are the hallmarks of what makes a man a good long-term partner according to relationship expert Dr. Seth Meyers.

In addition, and perhaps “the most surprising factor that is important is empathy, or the ability to be sensitive and understand how the other person feels.”  “When problems develop, as they inevitably will, having a man in your life who listens and cares about your feelings is one factor that helps to solidify mutual respect and intimacy.”

Tips for a good relationship:

1.You feel as good about him when you’re not with him as you do when you are with him

2. He’s never made you cry and you’re confident he never will. (There’s a saying that goes something like this: No boy/man is worth crying over and the one who is will never make you.)

3. He shows a genuine interest in the things that are important to you.

4.He fights fair.

5.He holds your hair back if/when you’re sick.

6.If your child were to come out EXACTLY like him, you’d be thrilled.

As for my own advice, which I shared with my friend, you need to learn to love yourself first. Learning to love yourself and finding self-fulfillment while single is crucial because you cannot expect a mate to fill those voids for you. Depending on a partner to meet those needs will never work and you’ll remain emotionally needy, not to mention more likely to put up with bad behavior just to be with someone.

If you feel an issue is at-hand that could be a deal breaker (kids or no kids?), it’s best to address it right away. “When there are deal breakers, you need to put them on the table and talk about them. If you try to hide them, they’ll turn up anyway, eventually, and probably destroy your relationship—or at least make you miserable. Get them out in the open and see if you can work something out!  Hey, maybe he can handle having just one kid! You never know until you talk.

I once knew someone who encouraged me to always be independent, self sufficient and to first make me happy then to think of making others happy.  Sometimes his philosophy was very stern for my liking, but as the years went by I came to realize that yes, first one must take care of ones own needs and wants before being able to please others.  Once you are confident with you then you are much more capable of dealing with whatever situation life presents.  Not always easy, but always doable.

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are...
until next time...