May 7, 2012

Left Me Thinking...

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to....

Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father....

best of the drag queens
My sister and husband were here visiting and we had a wonderful time with them doing things we normally would not do, like going to see a drag queen show in South Beach.   I found it entertaining and interesting.  Was very nice to do and see something different.

While here we also had time to catch up with each others lives and do some girl talk (even though we talk at least 3x a week).  Still nothing as good as seeing each other and being together even if for a short while.  

During one of our conversations she told me about some people we know and some of the sad times they have gone through and to make matters even worse they just had a divorce leaving three very devastated children torn apart and very unsure of what life holds for them.

Seems like dad has already found a replacement and this has torn the family apart even more.  Not having been raised with too many of our friends or family being divorced I have never had much first hand knowledge of how terrible it must be for all involved especially the kids.  Today I know more and I have seen friends and family torn apart also.  It makes me realize then how important it is for children to have that quality time with their parent.  It makes me understand better how important it is to make sure this relationship is for both parties involved.

Nina and I, South Beach

When I met Arvid I knew he had 2 daughters, but the fact that they lived in Norway made it "appear" like as if it was just him and I alone.  That's all I knew in the beginning.  Our lives were just the two of us.  This was almost 12 years ago.  Today of course that is different.  I met Michelle when she was barely 7 years old.  Today she is 19 years old and a wonderful young woman.  One I respect and admire because she has a way with people, she is kind and compassionate.  Seeing her grow up from a "baby" into a young woman full of work ethics and kindness is enough to make anyone proud.  She may not be my daughter, but I do love her and I always want what's best for her.  Seems like she has found that in Emil.   As a dad, Arvid is always there for her even though many miles separate them.

Arvids eldest daughter was 16 years when we met.  I liked her right away.  She was spunky and already grown up and ready to face the world.  I have enjoyed her company at all times, and when in Norway some of the best times have been spent talking with her.  Also for Victoria, her dad is always there for her.  The girls are as different as night and day. One thing they both know that they can count on both of us for anything.  

I look at these 2 girls and I have faith that good things can also come out of a divorce.  They both have wonderful 2nd dads and a well adjusted life.  In their case, you can say divorce actually enriched their lives.  They have their dad here in Florida, who never misses a call to them on Sundays and who loves them dearly.  They have their 2nd dad in Norway with whom they have also grown up with and who loves them like as if they were his own. 

 In many ways they are very lucky and fortunate, and because of this I want to believe that there is hope for others in similar situations.  You just have to open your hearts to that new person.  Give them a chance to show that they care.  No one wants to take the place of your dad or your mom, but being your friend is always a good start.

Whenever we go to Norway, Arvid always makes sure to have quality time with both girls.  Something I know is very important and very necessary.  Just some time with the 2 of them alone makes a whole lot of difference, and of course it a good time to give out fatherly advise and to just do father daughter bonding.  Always good.  Remember all
 "Your children need your presence more than your presents."

Simply having children does not make mothers nor fathers....
Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them...