Dec 5, 2017

December 5th ~

Some memories are unforgettable, 
remaining ever vivid and heartwarming.

I remind myself that though I may not have everything I want, I do have 
enough to make me always grateful and to put a smile on my face.

When I think of Brutus, I always feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.  
It is still very difficult at times for us.  Last night both Arvid and
 I were looking at Sniff and saying what a good boy he is and 
how lucky and grateful we are to have him in our lives. 

 At the same time we could not help talking about Brutus.  I have a very, 
very good memory.  Not bragging about it.  Sometimes I think it is a 
curse because I remember every detail.  Not always so so good.  

When I think of Shadow I picture this fearless little kitty.
Everything was fair game to him.  Unfortunately, he did not have much 
of a chance to develop into his own self, but the few months 
he was with us left us with lots to smile about.

I called Brutus my baby because he was.  He still is.  When he died I told myself that
I will never have another baby.  Meaning that I could not and would nt allow
 myself to ever call any other kitty my baby.  I have not gotten there yet with Sniff. 
 I hope one day I will find it in my heart to call Sniff my baby,  He is a good kitty. 
 He does not like being picked up much, but I do it everyday.  Hoping.

It's been 2 years and 1 month today since Brutus died.  The agonizing pain has
gotten better, but sometimes all of a sudden something breaks and I am
 back to square one.  We love our little Sniff Sniff.  I look forward to seeing
 him everyday and to taking care of him.  He makes our house a home.

One day I am sure he will be our little boy the way Brutus was.  
In my heart Brutus still is.  For me it is a struggle to let go.  Always has been, 
but I am always working on it and giving it my best shot.  Hoping always for the best.

Sometimes we have to let go of what's killing us, even if it's killing us to let go.
Some of us think that holding on makes us strong. but sometimes it's letting go