I think of you in silence. I often say your name.
But all I have are memories and your picture in a frame.
I can't believe that our Brutus has been dead
now for 2 years and 7 months today. Shadow has
been dead for 2 years and 3 months.
The agonizing pain is definitely less, but missing my
Brutus is something that never stops. I sometimes feel so guilty
because without realizing it, I often call Sniff Brutus.
I am so heartbroken when I do this. Sniff is not Brutus.
He is Sniff and I so love him. One thing I know for sure
little Sniff loves his mama (me) very much, and he
just dotes on his dada. He is a special gift.
My memory is very good. I can picture every moment
had with Brutus. When I see I picture, I know exactly where
we were and what we were doing that day. Sometimes a
good memory is a curse. The images are too vivid. That dryer
in our apartment in Florida. It kills me everytime I hear it.
Life with Sniff is good. He loves to "talk" and he follows
us around like a puppy. He sleep next to me in the mornings and
warms me up. And on those days that he does not come,
I feel as if something is missing, so I go looking for him.
Life has changed so very much. Not all bad.
As the minutes turn into days. Days into weeks.
Weeks into years. I learn to live with the hole that exists
in my heart reminding me always of you.
The mind replays what the heart can't delete.
Most of the time, when we are up late at night,
the company we are left with are memories...
~Nadiya~
