Today I am very sad. Someone we knew and liked very much has died. Too many emotions are going through my mind right now and I sure don't know how to exactly cope with it.
Losing someone dear to you is like nothing you can imagine. Only the person who has actually lost a loved one can truly relate to this. Many years ago I was in the same boat. My first husband died in a motorcycle accident. To say I was totally unprepared is stupid...who is ever prepared for this? One minute he was leaving to go ride his motorcycle...hours after I was calling every hospital, highway patrol everything and everyone you can think of because you see he had not shown up at home as scheduled and not several hours after.
When the police officer knocked on my door I just knew...all I said was "he's dead isn't he" and the officer said "yes". Needless to say my world as I knew it shattered to pieces. Today I can imagine our friends wife's world also being shattered to pieces and nothing anyone can say or do will ever put it back together.
I remember picking up the phone and calling everyone I knew and telling them. You see I lived in California at the time and all of my family was elsewhere. Like Tammy I spent that first night all by myself...to say you cry yourself to sleep is an understatement. After a while there are no more tears and loneliness and grief become your partners for a very , very long time.
In the beginning there are people all around you offering words of sympathy, trying to help you out in any and everyway possible...each is doing their best to make you feel better, but all you feel is NOTHING!! What others have to understand is that the person going through this grieving time has to do it their way...of course it helps to have support of friends and family. Had it not been for my family I am not sure what would have become of me.
This person that died was a good friend...good enough that I have dedicated my blog to them. All I can say is that in a situation like this you have to take it one day at a time. From this point on it is baby steps. There will be days when it seems you are moving backwards rather than forwards. Do not worry. This happens, just don't sink into that depression that seems to want to swallow you up forever...fight it. Easy to say. Harder to do, but take it from me not impossible. There will be good days again although right now you surely do not believe that.