May 17, 2019

May 17th ~

Those who think there is a time limit to grief 
 have never lost a piece of their heart...

There are two moments I will never forget.
The moment we met, and the moment you took
your last breath.  Mama misses you so much.

Norwegian Constitution Day is the national day of
 Norway and is an official public holiday observed on
 May 17 each year. Among Norwegians, the day
 is referred to simply as syttende mai.

I mention this because when Brutus came into our lives
 we chose this day to be the day he was born.  Arvid 
being Norwegian and all.  One of the happiest days
 in our lives.  The day Brutus became a part of us.

When Brutus died, one of the worst days and times
 we have ever experienced.  To this day I miss him 
everyday, and I know Arvid also does.  Enter Shadow
into our lives.  Whatever the reason was, we also
 designated his birthday to be May 17th.

So today we celebrate Brutus' birthday and also
 little Shadows. Brutus only lived to be 9 years old.  We
 wanted so much more, at the same time we are so grateful 
for the 9 years we had with him.  They will forever 
be one of the best times of our lives.

Shadow never made it to one year with us.  We had him
 from November 7th 2015 and he died March 5th 2016.  
Talk about grief.  The heartache is still with me.  

Not daily, but somewhere tucked away and I try to not
 "allow" it into my everyday life, but those who know grief 
know that it comes in waves.  You are never warned.

The days leading up to today were pretty rough for me.
  I went back in time and all the memories and the pain
 came crashing down on me all over again.  I try not to let
 Sniff see me crying.  It upsets him and that I don't want.

Love is putting your best friend to sleep to end his 
suffering, knowing that your suffering is just beginning.  
Brutus, Shadow mama and Dada will always love you. 

You have a brother.  Sniff,  he brings laughter
 love and peace  into our world.  We love
 him very much.  He's a very good boy.

I hope you are together playing, running around, 
and having a good time.  We are forever grateful you
 came into our lives and I will love you forever.

Brutus I think of you everyday.  The mind replays
 what the heart can't delete.  I think a part of me will 
always be waiting for you.  Mama misses you so much.

No matter where I go, and who comes into our lives, 
you Brutus will always be my baby.  I will love you 
until the end of my days.  Happy birthday Brutus
 and Shadow.  Mama sends lots of love to both of you.

If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk 
right up to heaven and bring you home again, and if love
 could have saved you, you would have lived forever...