Dec 15, 2012

My Heart Is Breaking...

A thousand words can't bring you back, I know because I have tried, and neither can a million tears.  I know because I cried...
The death of a child is the single most traumatic event in medicine. To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself...

What started out yesterday as a beautiful day suddenly turned into a very sad day.  I woke up happy because I knew mom and dad were here; just a few minutes drive from us.  We spoke for quite a while this morning on the phone.  She was telling us how very thoughtful we were and how we thought of everything to the tiniest of details for them in the house.  She went so far as saying that I did better than the hotels in that we provided them with everything they needed.  She even said she would not have to do groceries for and entire week.  Made me happy to know that we can do these things for them.

In the arms of the angel, fly away from here. I know you are in good hands now. I love and miss you! Rest in Peace...

My dad had already gone for his morning walk and it was only 8am.  He had already started to trim the hedges and to rake the yard.   Yes, my dad was doing what my dad loves best...yard work.  They were happy and we were happy.

This ended when I read the news about the massacre in Connecticut.  Why?  It is never a good time to lose someone you love.  It is now Christmas.  parents are looking forward to seeing their kids, to hearing their laughter when they wake up on Christmas day with the excitement of seeing what Santa brought them. 

Well for many mothers and fathers this will not happen.  Instead they will be burying the little ones they love more than themselves.  They will be forever heartbroken and they will never be the same again because some crazy person decided to take a gun, go to a school filled with little children and to just shoot them all.

Writing this right now, I am angry, I am sad and my heart is breaking for all of them.  I can hardly see because of the tears rolling down my face.  Yes, this is too much for any parent to have to deal with.

..And if I go while you’re still here…
know that I live on, vibrating to a

different measure behind a thin
veil you cannot see through. You
will not see me so you must have
faith. I wait the time when we can
soar again, both aware of each
other. Until then, live your life to
its fullest, and when you need me
just whisper my name in your  
heart…I will be there

I sometimes hear people say that God is great.  God will take care of the little ones and so forth.  My question then is where was GOD when all hell broke loose?  Where?  I asked you that same question GOD many, many years ago when my heart was breaking.  I never got an answer!  I still don't know where you were.

Little children!  Their lives have not yet even begun and in a blink they are gone.  What I ask myself is what is this world coming to????  Arvid saw me with tears falling down and he gently took me in his arms and said, "my dear you do not have big enough shoulders to carry all the worlds burden on you."  I looked at him and with tears rolling down I said, "but I have a big enough heart and it's breaking."  You see this tragedy brings back too many memories that I thought were tucked away.

They say that when someone you love becomes a memory, the memory
becomes a treasure.  I never asked for a treasure!  I wanted the real thing and I doubt these parents want a memory.  They want their child with them in their arms where they can be loved, sheltered and protected!  We know this is not going to happen!  I'm mad, I'm angry and all of a sudden I am transported to that time many years ago when all I wanted was to scream and to never stop screaming at how unfair life can be!

For many of us, it's just a "normal" day.  For others it's the beginning of hell right here on earth!
My sympathies go out to you. 

They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' 
for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child 

running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and 
butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what she is 
doing that when she looks behind her, I'll already be there....