Apr 2, 2017

Some Days Are Like This ~

It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest
 hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window,
 or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly 
blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses..

Some days are harder than others.  Can't pinpoint anything specific.  Just suddenly
something happens.  It hits me all over again.  The tears come and go, but
 the missing you is always there.  Tucked deeply in my heart.  
Arvid and I just hold each other and "ride" that wave.

Life is busy.  Very busy.  Hardly have time to do much anymore other than work. 
 Not bad, but I do sometimes feel guilty because Sniff is left so much alone.  Now he is 
"used" to it, but every time we leave he looks at us with those big eyes and yes, I'm guilty.

Last night Arvid and I were talking and as always it got around to Brutus.  I asked 
Arvid if he misses Brutus, and he said "more than you know."  I miss my Brutus
 very much and last night was pretty rough for us. We heard Brutus' song 
and it threw us back to square one.  How I miss my Brutus.

 Not everyday is bad, but suddenly it will hit me and then I have a rough patch.
  Arvid holds it in more, but when I ask I hear from him that he also
thinks often of Brutus and misses him so much as well.  Life!
Grief! It comes in waves and today I'm drowning in it!

Shadow crosses our minds very often as well.  I "see" them all the time at work
 and at home.  Then I let my mind wander to when they were alive.  I smile
 at the memory, but at the same time that memory crushes me.  Yes, 
today is also one of those days that my mind is full with Brutus
 and Shadow.  Today I miss home.  Home being Florida.

Looking forward to a relaxing Sunday and hopefully not too much running
 around.  Yesterday was nice and relaxing and Arvid even had some time to
 go out with Danny, the property manager/maintenance man at his hotel.
While they had a boys evening out, I had some time on my own.  I did
 a little shopping and some stuff for me.  Both of us had a good time.

Wishing everyone a good day.  Hopefully the sun shines for all of us today.

Some days I can conquer the world, other days it takes me three 
hours to convince myself to bathe.  No journey out of grief was
 straightforward.  There would be good days and bad days...