May 31, 2013

Can't Give In...

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. 
Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself...

It's not often I feel as discouraged as I did yesterday.  I took Brutus to the vet very early.  His paw was starting to open up and to drain again.  the swelling was there and the all of a sudden I had a feeling that Brutus was not going to get better.

I worked myself into an emotional situation in which I thought everything we were doing for Brutus was not helping.  He has now seen two doctors.  Both still optimistic that he will get better, but in my heart I feel that the only thing we are doing is injecting him with this dangerous antibiotic that sooner or later will have a disastrous effect on him

The night before I had made up my mind that sooner or later Brutus will need to be amputated.  I don't see any other treatment right now and according to his doctors everything that can be done is being done for him.  Not very comforting for us right now because we see everyday how his paw gets more and more swollen.

Arvid and I talked about this many times and more again today.  We both want to do what's best for him and if we feel amputation is best we will not hesitate to do it, but we can't help this sadness that takes over when we see him running and playing.  Everything about him is perfect except for the paw.

Arvid as usual has a good way of putting it.  he said to me, "well at least when he is amputated he cannot run away from us, and even if he tried we will catch him.  We will never lose him".  First of all Brutus has never tried to run away from us, but it was Arvid's way of comforting me and of making himself feel less sad as well.  He loves Brutus and Brutus loves him.

Today I am still very sad.  Not as much as yesterday and I know that tomorrow will be better, but he is our baby.  He is just a little kitty and we just don't know what else to do.  

Going to Chicago after all may have a few advantages.  We have already scheduled two vet visits for Brutus.  Yes, he will be having a consultation from two other doctors.  Who knows, maybe they have another treatment our doctor does not know about.
I hope so because the alternative is always on my mind.

Both Arvid and I know that no matter what happens we will do what's best for Brutus.  As Arvid said, we will have the entire summer to be with him.  We won't go anywhere so we can just focus on taking care of our Brutus.  No matter what I say, my heart is breaking every time I see his little paw getting puffier and puffier.  So far we continue to try everything.
As many know, Edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light. 
Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times.  

Hope is there....

I am not discouraged because every wrong
 attempt discarded is another step forward...