Nov 27, 2015

Difficult Day...

Take me to the time when things were fine.  It's all broken now...

What a quiet day it was yesterday. Usually Thanksgiving Day is quiet, but somehow it 
felt even more so.  We were missing an important part of our lives.  The day was 
pretty windy.  At times it felt like a little tropical storm coming our way, 
but it was just some bad weather coming from up North. 
 Even so we still had warm temperatures.  

Neither Arvid nor I are that fond of turkey so for our lunch we had chicken.
  Always a winner with me.  We had none of the traditional Thanksgiving sides nor 
none of the of the famously delicious pumpkin pie.  Truth is neither of us tasted
 much of what we ate.  Our hearts was and is just sad right now.

Arvid watched some soccer games. Shadow came and sat with him and even fell 
asleep. Just the way Brutus used to do.  As Arvid was watching Shadow play,
 he said to me, "Brutus should be playing here."  Yes!   Shadow is a good
 kitty. We enjoy watching him play and he keeps us entertained. 
 But he's not Brutus. He can't take away this sadness I have, 
we have in us, but he can make us laugh at times.

When we picked up Brutus' ashes on Wednesday, a traumatic time for us, the doctors
 told us that they think Brutus was sicker than we knew.  That they found a tumor 
in his chest.  They tried to tell us that Brutus was not going to live long 
one way or the other.  This does not bring me any closure.  All 
I know is that he's dead and I will never see nor hold him again.  

Maybe one day I will understand better, but not today.  Today all I feel is an emptiness 
and a sadness that knows no limits.  As I told Arvid I am stuck.  I can't move on 
right now.  Brutus stole my heart and I don't think it will ever be the same 
again.  But everyday as you know is a new day to heal.
 To laugh to enjoy all that life has to offer.

Yes, life is always worth living. Life is as you know for the living.  Arvid and 
I went for a little outing to the beach.  Together Arvid and I will be strong. 
 Will take me longer for sure, but I am working on it.  Shadow deserves
 his mama to be happy for him. Time is on our side I guess.

Good morning everyone.  It's Black Friday after all.  Maybe Arvid and I should take
 a trip somewhere and see what good deals we can find.  Don't need anything, but why not?

Black Friday combines every great American pastime into one: camping,
 shopping, standing in line, rioting, and fist fighting.  Don't you think
 it's ironic that Americans spend the most money on new things
 the day after they say they are grateful for what they have?....