Nov 6, 2015

No More Brutus..

Our pets lead us from patience to love and then to loss...
but it is always a journey worth taking.  Thank you Brutus for 9 good years...

I have been awake for a while now, but did not get out of bed until close to 5am.  
Why should I get out of bed?  There is no more Brutus to come out with me.  
No more Brutus I brush early in the morning.  No more Brutus I will give pills to.  
There is just no more Brutus.  Our Brutus died and has left two broken souls
 in his wake.  What do I do?  It's so quiet?  they say Heartbreak is life
 educating us.  I don't want to be educated.  I want Brutus.

At 2:30 pm yesterday Arvid and I held Brutus for the last time. I held him as the 
doctor put him to sleep. He's dead.  What do we do now without him?

Brutus went in for surgery on Wednesday November 4th. Simple amputation. 
Was not supposed to be that big a deal.  He was no supposed to die.  He was supposed
 to come back home the next day with us.  We had everything waiting.  I had already 
bought everything he would need for recovery.  Now what do I do????

We took him him at 8:20 am on Wednesday morning.  He just cried a few tiny meows 
on the way to the vet.  Surgery was done by 3:30. We were told at that time that
 all went well.  We were told Brutus did good.  There was no excess bleeding 
and that he was resting peacefully. We took that as a good sign.

I called again at 8pm. Brutus was doing good we were told. 
They said he did good
 and was fine.  Though I wanted him home right then we knew it was good he was 
staying at the hospital.  Just so that the had 24 hour medical care. Just to be safe.

Thursday the 5th.  I woke up very early again.  Excited because today we were going 
to bring him home. I called again at 7am. Again I was told he was doing good and 
was awake for a while, but again resting peacefully.  I finished washing 
all his towels and blankets.  We rearranged the apartment so that
 everything was on the ground level for him.  If you know 
Brutus he had beds everywhere and on different levels.

We blocked those and brought them to ground level just so that he would not have to 
jump and get hurt.  We had made the apartment kitty safe for him for his recovery period. 
 I was just about to go to target and pick up a few more things he would need when the
 phone rang.  9:30 am we got another call from the vet. Brutus was not doing good.

 He was crashing. Needed a blood transfusion STAT!  I decided to go to hospital
 and wait for news.  Doctor said he did better with the transfusion. Within an
 hour Brutus was crashing again. They said another transfusion, but after 
talking to the doctor it seems that Brutus was not going to make it

We decided that the best decision was to put him to sleep. 
Not to see him hurt anymore.  His body gave up.

At 2:30pm yesterday Brutus died in my arms. Arvid and I have cried and cried. 
Never have I known Arvid to cry like this. That broke my heart even  more.

In the shower arvid cried so loudly it scared me.  He said Brutus was always
 sitting on the outside  waiting for him and now he wasn't.  That he will never sit there again
 and wait for him.  What do we do?  A huge part of us is missing and we are broken.

When Arvid brought Brutus' carrier home he cried like a baby. Said, "it's empty"  Do you know 
what that is? We took what appeared to be a healthy kitty for surgery and we come home 
empty handed.  No Brutus just and empty carrier.  It was too much again for us to take.

It was not supposed to be like this. He was supposed to come home today with us.
 Now we will never see him nor hold him again.  My blog had Brutus in it almost 
every day.  He was our baby as Arvid and I say all the time.  Now he's gone.  

There has been an outpouring of kindness and love for Brutus and us.  From Facebook.
From texts, emails and all different ways of communication.  Both Arvid and I say thank you.
Our baby is dead.  He was loved not only by us but by so many more.  It's quiet at home.

I'm sitting here alone.  Arvid is still "sleeping" and there is no Brutus next to me.
What do I do?  What do I do?  It is way too quiet at home.  We will never 
see him nor hold him ever again.  What do I do?????????

They say that there is no death.  Only a change of wold's.  

Brutus this is not goodbye.  Because we will love you forever and ever.  Dada says 
that we will see you in the next lifetime.  Brutus your dada is so sad and mama too. 
 We want our baby back with us.  Brutus we miss you so much.  Why did you die?  The doctors 
said your little body was not fighting anymore.  Ohhh Brutus I wish I could turn back the clock.

Mornings are not the same without you Brutus.  I'm not sure how 
to face the rest of the day.  Dada said he now has no one to sing to at nights.
No more pills Brutus.  No more pills. Brutus you stole our hearts.  Now what????

If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude,
 then animals are better off than a lot of humans.
Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation...

~Mama and Dada~