Nov 10, 2015

One Day At A Time...

Life goes on... Whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown.
Or stay behind locked in the past, thinking of what could have been...

Everyone tells you that one day it will get better. I don't want to hear it right now.
 I appreciate the kindness and all the good intentions, but the truth is l'm not OK. Neither
Arvid nor I are OK right now. The anguish in our hearts is not something I would wish
 on anyone.  It's too difficult and our hearts just don't know how to cope right now.

Sadly I went through anguish like this before when my first husband died. Never thought 
I would be OK again. But the years went by and I made it.  Of course there are 
flashbacks. Heck who ever said life was perfect?  I'm not sure I can ever get
 over Brutus dying.  Those who knew Brutus knew that he was more human 
that cat.  He was what you would call special.  He had a soul.

What I feel right now is nothing I can describe. Words could never capture the pain, 
the anguish the devastation in my heart.  Both Arvid and I are hurting too much.  I am the 
first to say that life goes on. It's true life goes on. Right now my life is moving in SLOW motion. 

 Very very slow motion.  When you experience the death of a loved one you realize that
 everything you thought important really is not.  For me without Brutus life has no joy.  One
 day another kitty will come into our lives. We will love him.  We will be happy again, but one
 thing we know is that no one will ever replace Brutus. Brutus was and will always be our
baby.  We will have a new baby but my heart will always be wanting our Brutus back.

Everyday day, every night we wait for him to come to us.  We just wait and wait.. There 
is no way we can say goodbye to him.  We wish him goodnight every night. When 
we go out during the day we do what we always do.  We say, "we'll be back 
soon boysie." Arvid says it cause he was the one to always tell it to Brutus.

And so begins day six since Brutus has been dead.  Another long one.
Hope you all are having better days than we are right now.

They say life is a story.  For 9 years we had a beautiful story to tell
  Hope one day we will have something similar.

Silence is the most POWERFUL scream...