May 17, 2016

Loving You...Missing You.. May 17th Birthday Boy

Between now and then till I see you again I'll be loving you.  Love me too...

Life continues for all of us.  Loved ones die, and new ones are born.  It's the circle of life,
 and if you happen to be in the "happy" circle then please enjoy it for if things should
change and you happen to find yourself in the not so "good circle,"then friends you
 will know how I feel and what I am experiencing.  Not good.

Many of you may be getting a little fed up of hearing how much I miss Brutus, 
and how sad it is for me right now.  What can I say?  It is how it is, and until then I will be
grieving for my baby.  We had him for 9 years.  It does not go away just like that.
The relationship Arvid and I had with Brutus was very special, and because
of that it is so very difficult for me to understand why our Brutus died.

Sadness is what I am familiar with these days.  Add Shadow into the mix who can
 blame me. Where there was once laughter, now tears are a constant companion.  And yes,
Sniffer makes us happy.  There was never a time you would see me and not see me
 smile.  Smiling was my trademark.  That's what everyone tells me.

Today it is still there but not as often and sometimes forced.  On the other hand,
 I am sure one day it will be part of me again.  I want it back very much.  

As of today, I still cannot bring myself to say goodbye to Brutus.  Goodbyes are so
FINAL!  I don't think I will ever be able to do it.  More like until we meet again. For
Shadow all I can think is that he is not screaming anymore.  His agony is over.
As far as I go, I can't help but relive his last moments every so often.

  Letting go for me right now is not happening, and I'm not saying this is good.  I am
 still a work in progress, but then who isn't?  And that is always good I'm told.  Room to grow.

Today our Brutus would have turned 10 years old.  Our Shadow would be one year today.
Neither of them are here with us.  Sniffer is here and life goes on.  It waits for no one.

Brutus, Happy Birthday.  I still have your balloons.  The birthday hat and your candles.
Mama misses you everyday, and no matter how much I love Sniffer, you are my baby, and
 forever I will miss you and love you.  You took my heart with you and part of it will forever
 belong to you.  My Brutus.  I loved you from the moment I saw you and have not stopped.

Shadow.  Mama loved you.  You came to us at a very difficult time.  It was difficult
for both your dada and I, but you were special to us.  You taught us that we could open our
 hearts again to another kitty.  You were with us for less than 4 months.  Shadow how I grief
for you.  I wish I could have saved you and kept you from harms way.  I see your picture
 on my night table and I see trust in your eyes.  It breaks my heart every night to see those eyes.

  I love you Shadow and I hope you found Brutus, Anna's Buddy and mama's 5 other kitties.
 Hope you are all playing together, and that Brutus' paw does not hurt him anymore.
Please take care of each other, and know I miss you everyday.  Happy
 birthday Brutus and Shadow.  Mama loves you and always will.

I may be a work in progress, but everyday I get a little bit wiser,
 a little bit better and a little bit stronger...