Feb 5, 2016

Februrary 5th...

When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses..

Every year around this time my sister and her husband visit Florida. Though for just a 
few days, we always try to do something with them.  For some reason Arvid keeps 
telling me to ask them if they would like the 4 of us to go to our "Cuban" spot
for lunch.  Arvid is now a fan of one of the meals there and my sister, and
husband also like it there.  Their time is limited so I tell Arvid "we'll see".

Unlike most of us these days whose every move can be tracked via social network, my sister
 never posts a thing. No one ever knows where they are. Even when she, and her family
 went to Australia, Thailand, Malaysia, Greece just to mention a few.  No one knew.

 She's very private.  The entire family is. My niece and nephew, (their 2 kids) in there 20's
 are also on FB and I never hear or see a word about them.  Truth same goes for most
of my nieces and nephews.  The only time I "see" them around is if someone tags
them to a post. Something I really admire, and am striving for. More and more.
 Arvid says we should protect our privacy at all costs.  Can't disagree.

That being said we just hope to have them over one day for lunch and hopefully have a few
 hours with them.  When they visit their visits are fairly short.  Last night they were here,
 and even though the visit was short we had a good time.  Sometimes short visits
are the best as well.  We enjoy quality time and don't just sit killing time.

Today makes 3 months since our Brutus died.   Three months I have been missing 
him,  and wondering why why did he die. I still have no answer to that and
 my heart is just not ready to let go. I know it's what I have to do. What
I will  do one day, but every time I try it's not just not happening.
How can I let go of Brutus?  He was our baby. My baby.

When I stop and think of Brutus (too often) I just can't let go of him. I will never,
 never understand why he died. That is the heartache I live with everyday.
 I miss him. I ache for him and my heart silently cries out for him.  

Mama misses you Brutus.  The days I stay busy, but then suddenly you come into
my thoughts, and grief takes over.  As dada says you were more human that kitty. He
also says there will never be another kitty like you.  We both know that.

I can go crazy thinking about this and never will be satisfied with the answer.  Best will be
 as Arvid and everyone says.  Just let go.  Yesterday Arvid said to me, "you have to let
our boysie rest in peace now."  Broke my heart because at that moment I also saw the grief,
 and tears in his eyes.  Yes, Arvid misses Brutus also, but deals with it better than I do.

Each  night I put my head to my pillow I try to tell myself that I am strong
because I have gone one more day without you.  Mama misses you Brutus...