Nov 5, 2022

Saturday November 5th~

 I loved you your whole life.
  I will miss you for the rest of mine....

I still miss you Brutus.  My heart will 
always wear the pawprints left by you.  

November 5th 2015, we took Brutus to the vet to have 
an amputation.  He was having problems for the longest time 
with his paw, and no matter what we did, it never got better.  We took 
him to a specialist in Fort Lauderdale.  Another one in Chicago. 

 Brutus had several biopsies.  Nothing.  We were 
recommended to do the Hyperbaric chamber treatment for him.  
We did.  Several.  Id didn't help.  We were then recommended 
to do laser treatment.  We did.  It didn't help our Brutus.
  We finally decided to go with amputation.  

The night before, November 4th Brutus was awake
 for a long time.  I sat with him on the bathroom floor 
just making sure he knew how much we love him.  
I held him so much on this day.  I didn't know it 
was to be the last time I held him at home.

On the 5th Arvid and I drove with Brutus to the vet.
  I had to sign a release form stating that if something should go
 wrong, the vet and staff would not be held accountable.

  I had to sign it, I did. But as we were leaving I looked 
at the technician and I said to her, "He is not going to die is he?"
  She looked at me and said, "of course not, ๐Ÿ’” but this is
a part of the procedure." They lied.  Our Brutus died.

 We left him and went home.  I waited patiently for surgery
 to be done.  For the vet's office to call and say everything 
went well.  After 2 hours I could not wait more so I called.
  Yes, I was told.  Surgery went well and Brutus is in the 
recovery room.  We were so happy and relieved.  

At this point Arvid said he will head out and take care of 
a few things we had to do.  Now that we knew Brutus did 
good in surgery.  An hour or so after this conversation the vet's 
office called and they said, "Brutus is crashing."  No matter how
 hard I try to block these three words, I keep hearing them over 
and over.  My baby was dying. Our Brutus was dying.

 I called Arvid right away from the car.  I was on my 
way to the vet's office and I told him to get there ASAP.  I
 got there first and I saw my Brutus.  It broke my heart.  
He had his amputation, and now he was dying.  
That day part of Arvid and I died also.

Brutus, he took a part of us with him.  I will never forget 
the grief I saw in Arvid.  Time has made it bearable, but every 
so often Arvid says to me, "I think of Brutus often." In my 
heart he will always be.  I love our Sniff with all my
 heart, but our Brutus, he was my baby.

I will miss you forever.  Most days when I think of you it's
 no longer with that heart wrenching grief.  Some days
 I just can't help it.  I just sit and remember.  I was not 
ready to let you go.  I don't think I ever will be.

No matter how long we have with them, 
it's never enough.  Love leaves a memory...