Dec 3, 2015

Not Myself Right Now...

Smile Nadiya, a brand new day awaits you.
Every new day is another chance to change something in your life...

Usually I can pull myself out of things and keep focusing on the positive 
and good in everything, but since Brutus died and today is exactly 4 weeks, (28 days) without 
him, I find that focusing right now is as good as before.  I find myself being lots slower than
usual and I find that I really don't want people around me nor do I wish to go out much.

I find myself not tolerant to people who talk nonsense and always about themselves.
Never one to really care for it, but at least I was tolerant to it.  I find myself not
interested anymore in any of the social media things I used to like before.

I hardly want to go on the Internet nor am I that interested in writing my blog these days.
It was always a source of enjoyment for me, but since Brutus died I really don't 
find the joy that much in much anymore.  I know that will change.  Not today.

To our friends, I ask please be patient with me.  If you see I get sad or look lost it's because I 
am sad and I do feel lost right now.  If you visit us, please don't feel upset if I want you 
to leave fairly soon. I don't want company for hours and I'm sure it will take me a very
 long time before I will.  Short visits are always OK.  Please don't overstay.

Somehow I can't seem to get past the sadness in my heart.  I am trying so very hard,
 but it's seems I am stuck.  Stuck in the same spot I was 4 weeks, 28 days ago when 
Brutus died, yet I don't know how 28 days have already gone by.  Almost a month
 without my Brutus.  Has been 28 days of pure hell.  Yes, Shadow
 is cute and he keeps us entertained, but he's not you Brutus.

Another day, and we have many little things to do.  Staying busy is what it is
all about for me right now.  Busier than usual is what I want.  Arvid has a knack of
staying busy.  Right now I wish I could keep myself occupied all day long, but there are
openings, many openings in the day when my mind wanders to you.

Brutus, I always said that something was done wrong with you. It was confirmed,
and now how the heck do we deal with this blow to our already broken hearts?

Shadow does not like being brushed as yet.  Shadow does not wait for us at the
 door when we come home as yet, hopefully he will one day. Shadow is not
sitting by my side right now as I drink my cafe and write my blog.
Maybe one day he will fill some of the void mama and dada have.

To all may your day be a happy one and may you never experience
what we are right now.  Good morning and enjoy this new day.

A new day: Be open enough to see opportunities. Be wise enough
 to be grateful.  Be courageous enough to be happy..