Mar 13, 2016


It's not always the tears that measure the pain.
Sometimes it's the smile we fake...

I'm tired.  I don't remember the last time I did not cry myself to sleep.  I'm exhausted,
 and also I know Arvid feels the same.  He's has been even more patient with me than usual. 
 I guess he really did learn patience from Brutus.  It's been constant motion for us.

Even before Brutus died, Arvid and I have been on the go.  Seems we still are.  Then
 when Brutus died we have had company all the time.  My family, friends and more. We have 
not really had much quiet time to really relax and now unfortunately, it's all catching up on us.

This morning Arvid  asked me if I would like company to go with us to so and so place.
Before I had the opportunity to answer him he said, "I want us to go alone." 
 Yes we need some time alone as well.  I need quiet time to grieve.

When inn company the good thing is that one has a distraction. Comes in handy, but 
I am getting very tired of hearing chatter, chatter, chatter.  After a while it becomes 
noise and I get a little anxiety attack.  I just want the "noise" to stop.

Last night we had an evening out with Arvid's brother and girlfriend.  That was very nice.
The music was loud.  Maybe not what I needed right then, but the company was good.
Arvid and his brother are good together.  It's always nice to see that.  Combined with
 some good food, a few drinks and good music we had an overall good evening.

As I turned on the dryer this morning the horror of it all took over once again.
My heart is so very sad for this kitty of ours.  It's so sad. Since Shadow died all my focus 
has been on this horror.  This morning as we were having breakfast we looked at Brutus'
 picture hanging right next to the wall in the dining area, and suddenly I was crying for him.

  Arvid looked at the picture and with tears glistening in his eyes he said, "boysie.  
You were the best."  Life sure gives us hard lessons.  Why so hard always?

It's Sunday.  The day is beautiful and so far we are having a quiet relaxing time.
Silence can be so calming.  Silence can also rip your soul apart. Happy Sunday 
everyone.  They tell me better days are coming.  Maybe.  Maybe.

Some days you have to create your own Sunshine.
Better days must be coming one of these days...