Oct 5, 2016

11 Months Ago Brutus Died... 7 Months Ago Shadow Died

It has been said, "time heals all wounds."  I do not agree.  
The wounds remain.  In time, the mind protecting its sanity, covers them 
with scar tissue, and the pain lessens.  But it is never gone..

The last time I held Brutus.  At 8:15 on  we dropped him off at the vet. He was 
scheduled to have an amputation. That was going to take care of the recurring infection
 on his paw.  I held him for a long time. I can still feel his warm body in my arms.

The amputation was just a routine surgery. That's what they told us.  As we were
 leaving the technician said to us, "will you please sign this release form?  Saying 
we can resuscitate should anything go wrong."  I signed the papers, and
 half jokingly I asked, "he's not going to die is he?"  She said, "so far it has 
never happened."  You know the rest.   Our Brutus, my baby died.  11 months
 ago today.  He took a chunk of my heart with him.  How I miss him.

November 10th.  In comes Shadow into our lives. Just a little energizer kitty. 
 He had no fear and he was just a baby. Arvid and I were so busy grieving for Brutus, 
but Shadow was such an active little dude that it was difficult to not notice him.

 He demanded attention.  Arvid played with him so much. I did too but I will be 
the first to admit that my heart was not always into it.  Shadow was a baby, and I 
lovingly did everything for him, except I never got the chance to say. "I love you." 

 Something I will forever have to live with.  I'm so sorry little Shadow. I never got
 to tell it to you, but you know I love you.  I made you chicken everyday.

 Mama loved you and it breaks my heart that you never had a chance to grow 
up.  I hope you and Brutus are together.  Keeping each other company and I
 hope you both know how much I love you and how I miss you everyday.

They say time is a good healer.  I know it is because I have been through grief 
before. It took years and years, but I moved on.  I do get the flashbacks, but the
 pain is not as intense and as painful anymore.  One day I hope it will be the 
same again.  Today no one can take away the grief I have in my heart.

Time they say is your best friend.  I know they say that time heals nothing unless
 you move along with it.  I'm trying and I am moving along.  Slowly, but it is
 what it is right now.  Yesterday Arvid and I had our first walk since coming
 back home.  It is still hot and humid, but we enjoyed it.  Was good to see 
palm trees everywhere again.  Since we have not had time to take 
our  cars to the cars wash Arvid decided to do it himself.  

He likes it.  He says it's a good exercise.  Of course I was there, but this time as an 
observer.  I spent some time by the pool sipping on wine.  Yes I who hardly
 drink wine discovered it can be pretty good sometimes.  When in 
Norway this summer, Victoria had some very good wine at their home. 
 I tried it and liked it very much so every now and again I indulge.
  I had a little quiet time by the pool so it was good. 

Good morning everyone.  Here so far it is a beautiful morning.
There are more glorious days ahead, this should be our joy for today, 
and luckily it will be a very busy day for us.  Staying busy is the key here.

Healing is an art.  It takes time.  It takes practice.  It takes 
love. The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very 
one that heals it. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, 
love leaves a memory no one can steal...