Jul 12, 2017

Some Days Are Better Than Others ~

Whenever I miss you I just hug my pillow and pretend it's you.
Grief it's like an ocean.  It comes in waves ebbing and flowing.  
Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it's overwhelming.
All we can do is learn to swim.  Oh, how I miss you...

As I was going to sleep the other night, my thoughts drifted away
 (again) to Brutus. I try so very hard not to go that way.  All I 
encounter is grief and more grief, but my thoughts have
 a mind of their own and Brutus is always there.

I tried so very much to shut it off, but suddenly the image of Brutus
 looking at me on the day he died was what kept coming back.  
No matter what I did that image was there. I have not cried so hard 
in a long time, all over again the grief consumed me.

Arvid held me and after a while it subsided.  I am missing that
 bundle of joy that he was.  We love Sniff but he does not allow us
 to get really close to him.  He does sleep very close to me
 in the mornings and for that I am grateful.

As I was telling Arvid, there are hardly any pictures of him 
holding Sniff, but when I look back to our life with Brutus there 
are hundreds of those.  How we miss him.  Up to this morning Arvid 
said to me, "there will never be another one like Brutus."

We love Sniff but we were so used to picking Brutus up everyday
and carrying him around.  Just as if he were a baby.  He was our baby
. I try everyday to do the same with Sniff he does not like it much, but I 
am not giving up.  Arvid has stopped trying because Sniff tends to bite us.

I don't go around being sad and depressed all day.  I am the
 opposite of that, but sometimes the heart gets weak and the tears 
just fall.  Today is another day and it is a good one.

After all this time..I still miss you everyday.  Well everyone can 
master a grief but he that has it.The only people who think there
 is a time limit for grief, has never lost a piece of their heart...