Oct 5, 2021

One Of Those Days ~ ๐Ÿ’” Today Is Six Years Brutus Died ๐Ÿ’”

 There are moments when I wish I could roll back 
the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the 
feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well...

1:30 AM. I’m awake ๐Ÿ˜ฎ.  Came to bed early (10pm) 
awake since midnight. Been happening more and more. 
 Sleep used to be my friend, but it’s been a long time
 since that.  Now it evades me way too often.

When Brutus died my entire life changed. 
I was unable to get a restful night of sleep ๐Ÿ˜ข,
 Brutus' death changed me completely. A year 
after he died I was still unable to sleep.

 Grief ate away at me and I didn’t know what to do. 
 Somedays it still gets to me.  I just have to wait it out.
 November 5th 2021 makes it six years our Brutus died๐Ÿ’”.

The grief is not as gut wrenching as before, but 
missing him is something that I will forever do ๐Ÿ’”.
  I miss my Brutus so very much.  He was my baby.

I love our Sniff with all my heart.  He is 
always there to make me smile and to give
 us love and for that I a always grateful.

Life is unpredictable.  Most days the grief of losing
 Brutus is at bay, but these last few days it had been
 unbearable.  Like everything I know it will not last. 
 It comes in strides and some days it feels as if
 you’re drowning.  You just have to ride it out.

They say everything happens for the best. “They”
 are not me.  I do not always believe this to be true,
 but it’s easy to say because I realize that when people
 can’t deal with things life throws at them it’s easier to
 say, “it’s for the best.”  “God knows what he’s doing.” 
 "It's up to God."  Never bought into that never will.  The 
best is what you make of life and how I make it happen.  
The best would be for Brutus to not have died, but...

I never bought into that  never will  no one will ever be 
able to convince me that God knew what he was doing 
when our Brutus died or when Paul Riley died or when 
Shadow died and I can go on and on.  It’s easier to say.

Tomorrow I will feel better again.  The anger 
I feel is still there, but not always on the surface.
 I know it will be better, it’s just there are days when
 just a tiny little memory can disrupt the peace
 you’ve worked so hard to achieve. 

Good morning everyone.  The sun is shining.  
The day looks beautiful, and you know the saying,
 smile can hide so much: fear, pain, tears.  But 
then again they reflect one thing: strength.

Someday when the pages of my life end, I know 
you will be one of its most beautiful chapters.