May 17, 2020

May 17th ~ Celebrating 2 Birthdays ~

You are  part of my life that will never come back,
but existed and will continue to exist and live on in
my heart.   I'd give anything for one more minute
 with you, I still miss you and always will...

Both Brutus and Shadow have birthdays today. 
 Both Brutus and Shadow are dead 😢.

A day does not go by without thoughts of Brutus.  It's
very difficult to not think of him.  He brought us so much
happiness that when he died a part of us died as well.

  I won't say I cry all the time.  I don't.  I grieve for him,
but the pain is bearable.  It's not as intense, and with
each passing day it's more and more bearable.

Today Brutus would have been 14 years old.
My baby who I wish I could hold again, hug and kiss.
  Yes, I really miss him.  My heart will forever grieve for him.
I loved him/love him like I never imagined.  I always will.

Shadow would have been 5 years old.  We only had him for
4 months.  It is heartbreaking thinking of Shadow.  He was
 so little.  He never had a chance and because of that a part of
me is always angry at the one who made this happen.

Happy birthday Brutus.  Happy birthday Shadow.
Your dad, Sniff and I are good. We have a good life,
 and we are happy, but Brutus, every so often we think
of you.  Your dada always told me we were going to
 probably have you for 21 years or so if we were lucky.

I want to say then that we were not lucky
 because we only had  you for 9 years Brutus, but
 on the other hand those were the best 9 years.

Birthdays are supposed to be happy times.
 I'm happy because you Brutus filled our hearts
with love and our home.  I am happy because we
shared 9 years with you, but at the same time I'm
heartbroken because we wanted so much more.

 I miss you and there is nothing I can do
about that.  This week has not been that easy.
You have been in my thoughts a lot.

Shadow, you were feisty and I am so sorry we
 never had the opportunity to see you grow.

Brutus, Shadow. I think perhaps I will always
 hold a candle for you – even until it burns my hand.
And when the light has long since gone …. I will 
be there in the darkness holding what remains,
 quite simply because I cannot let go.

You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories. 
It's has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. 
The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity,
 covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens...

~Dada, Mama & Sniff~